This may be the first time in history that Ask Andrea has "apply to real life in a serious way, take it to heart" advice!! Stand back folks this is a first!

Allison, it's really sad news to hear about Roberta. I know she wasn't always nice to you and when she wasn't nice - she was really mean. I have a hard time forgiving her for what she did to you and sometimes to your mom too. However I also remember laughing around Grammy's table with your dad and Roberta and I know there were probably plenty of times she was nice to you too. I do care about her as a person and I know how caring and forgiving you are. So I think I've come up with a decent solution for you.

You should touch base with her. Do it over the phone. Do you know if she can speak to you on the phone? If so this is what I'd do.

Don't go see her in person - it might be harder for you to emotionally untie yourself & you may feel obligated to go visit regularly even if you go only one time.

Tell her you are thinking of her and wanted her to know you care about her. Knowing what we know about lung cancer - and now combined with a stroke & brain tumors, she may have 6-8 months left with us. I would probably think of this as the last verbal conversation I was going to have with her - and that's intentional which I'll explain later.

Make your conversation positive. Say what you need to say to her so you know you won't feel guilty later. Maybe even delicately "thank" her for all she did for you. If you need to, write stuff down that you want to mention before you call. This is for you as much as it's for her so don't let her take you where she doesn't need to go and where you don't need to go. If she can't speak over the phone....then go see her but plan on this being the only time. If she's in Indy and you don't really want to make the trip - send her a nice letter. You don't need to make an excuse for why you aren't there in person. Just say what you would have said over the phone in the letter. I think she'd really appreciate that. The letter could be the solution if she can speak or can't speak. That'll be up to you.

If she can speak, surely she will keep from pulling her old tricks knowing what she's going through. I think she'll appreciate that you made contact with her - that you were sweet to her and that you care about her. I don't think this will be the case, but if she doesn't appreciate you reaching out to her by phone or letter - then she doesn't deserve a face to face visit.

After this contact, I would make a point to send her a cute card, something funny, an inspiring book, etc. every couple of weeks or once a month - only if you feel like you need to - however you don't need feel obligated to go beyond your call or letter. If you decide to continue, make all future communications non-verbal and not face to face.

That's probably how I would handle it. I think it's a good way for you to live a guilt free life, let her know you care about her, and at the same time, feel no further obligation.

What do you think?

Love you Alli-Gal!!